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#1
Today, 11:49 am
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Catholic, Neighborly Thing To Do?
I have had a neighbor for the past 16 years (about the same age) who I
had always been on good terms with. We would borrow things from each
other or help each other, have friendly discussions sometimes, etc.
Then came time for a new fence. My wife and I did some research and
picked out a couple attractive fence styles and I pitched them to my
neighbor, leaving them with a couple printed photos. They agreed to the
design and we contracted with a fence company to build it. Then my
neighbor and his wife wanted to discuss stain colors (thinking it would
be nice and easier if our fences matched), so I popped next door at the
agreed-upon time to talk about it (my wife stayed home). The discussion
was odd though, with my neighbor (the husband) mostly hanging back and
fiddling with things while I calmly discussed things with his wife, then
he would snipe some aggressive comments at me now and then. I ended up
agreeing with his wife that we should get a color selection guide from
Home Depot and see if we could agree on a stain color. Just about this
time he sniped again for the 6th or 7th time, so I told him I didn't
appreciate his sniping and pointed to his wife as an example of how to
discuss this calmly. At this point his exploded at me and came rushing
up like he was wanted to slug me. He screamed in my face with veins
popping out of his head and swore at me, insulted me and told me to get
off his property. I reminded his that we have been neighbors and
(loosely) friends for 16 years and asked why he was attacking me in this
way. He didn't answer, but just kept up his tirade. As I walked back
to my own side of the property line, he hurled insults at me and then
started insulting my wife as well, who wasn't even present. Instead of
insulting him back or swearing or anything, I tried very hard to
maintain my composure, but I told him he needed to go to anger
management, then went inside before he could continue to hurl more
insults.
After that, we progressed through the wife's email instead of in-person contact. Instead of any further stain color discussion, they informed me that they already chose their own color for fence stain, so we didn't end up matching up in the end. I never even found out what his big problem was, though I asked on one of the emails I was exchanging with his wife. I have been trying to handle things in a Catholic way by turning the other cheek and trying to let it all go. I usually wave at them or say hello when I see them outside in their yard or walking their dog. They will often avert their eyes and may answer in a cold tone if I say hello...or may not. I don't really care about being good buddies with them, but they are keeping a tension between us, even though the husband was the one who blew his top. Oddly enough, they are Catholic too and we go to the same parish...just different mass times. So, sorry for the long story. I was wondering though what a good Catholic should do in this odd circumstance? I have forgiven them in my heart and just try to give a friendly wave or hello (not ignore them) when I see them outside, but the tension I mentioned feels uncomfortable. I really don't want to approach them to make peace since they don't seem at all willing and they were the offending party in this whole scenario, anyway. Am I handling this the best way I can as a Catholic? I know the verse about if you have something against your brother, leave your gift at the altar and go and settle it with him and them come back. I don't really have anything against them now since I have chosen to forgive them. And I don't believe I'm required to go make peace with people who don't seem to want anything to do with me...am I?  Thanks everyone for any inputs and thoughts. 
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#2
Today, 12:37 pm
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Re: Catholic, Neighborly Thing To Do?
That is a really strange reaction from the husband
 It sounds like you were the adult in the situation and handled it quite well.I was wondering if you paid for the fence or if it was a joint purchase?? If it was joint, maybe he felt you were coming across as to getting your way when it came to the color of the fence. Some people seem to be able to get ticked off my some very minor things. Anyway, I thought you did great and are showing your love by saying hello.
__________________
When you feel like you are drowning in life, don't worry. Your LIFEGUARD walks on water.
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#3
Today, 12:44 pm
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Re: Catholic, Neighborly Thing To Do?
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#5
Today, 2:13 pm
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Re: Catholic, Neighborly Thing To Do?
You've handled it wonderfully, and done all you can. Bless you.
__________________
. . . the grace of God pursued me at every step . . . St. Faustina, Diary, #38
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#6
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Re: Catholic, Neighborly Thing To Do?
well your question really is "why are they responding to me -- with anger and resentment"
besides you know that you are right.. so these people are not dumb-- they know they acted like a** hol*s.. and it probably angers them more when you still act civil.. there is a prayer group-- i know that prays for the different neighbors in their block-- which i first thought werd and dumb-- but as they taught me and educated me-- they showed how the Holy Spirit would show you different situations in your mind and such-- as to what is going on in their lifes and how to actually pray for them-- it was a bit more advanced than praying a couple of "hail maries" for them and quite an interesting way to propheticly pray for them-- kind of like when Jesus -- prayed for his deciples -- and Peter-- and where Jesus -- told peter what would happen to him-- and what peter would do-- and -- this is what prophetic praying for some one is all about-- Numbers 11:29 NIV - But Moses replied, “Are you jealous - Bible ... But Moses replied, “Are you jealous for my sake? I wish that all the LORD's people were prophets and that the LORD would put his Spirit on.  |
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